One For the Road
by DFM
Summary: Castle, if you touch my mom's case, then you and I are done. Do you understand?" This story starts where A Death in the Family ends. AU
1. Teaser

**Title:** One For the Road

**Pairings:** Castle/Beckett

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warnings:** Angst!Fest

**Spoiler alert:** A Death in the Family and general season 1

**Summary:** "Castle, if you touch my mom's case, then you and I are done. Do you understand?" This story starts where _A Death in the Family_ ends. [AU]

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Teaser

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"You couldn't do it, could you?"

"Beckett-"

"Don't get out of the car. Don't ask too many questions before we have a chance to verify the information. Don't call in favors to get prints moved up. Don't take crime scene photos home. _Don't look into my mother's case!_"

Beckett didn't care that she was screaming, or that she could feel the tears gathering in her eyes. Richard Castle didn't fear anything, but she'd wipe the confident look off his face.

"But you never listen, do you? It's all about what would make a better story. Tell me, _Rick_, was a more solid backstory for Nikki Heat really worth it?"

"That's not why-"

"I want you gone. You can find another source of inspiration. I'm done."

She was going to lose it, and at that moment she didn't want to give Castle the satisfaction of crying in front of him. Walking as quickly as she could without breaking into a run, Kate went down the hall of the hospital, barely able to navigate around the nurses and orderlies going about their jobs. She slammed open the door of the women's restroom and almost didn't wait for the door to close before letting out a scream.

Her legs felt weak, causing her to slide down to the floor, as if all of her energy had gone into vocalizing her rage. Not really wanting to think about the fact that the floor of a public bathroom was the last place you want to take a moment, Beckett drew her knees to her chest and finally let the tears fall.

"That son of a bitch," she whispered to the deserted room.

She didn't know how long she sat there. She heard the ticking of her dad's watch from where it rested next to her ear, but her mind couldn't translate that into actual time.

The door opened and a haggard-looking woman walked in.

"I'm sorry," the woman said, gesturing towards tear-tracks that left Kate wondering if she had similar marks on her face. "I just wanted to freshen up."

She walked over to the sink and splashed some water on her face, while Kate forced her knees to unlock and let her stand up. "Bad day?" the woman asked, patting her face dry.

"I won't be sorry when it's over."

The other woman smiled as reassuringly as she could from under whatever burden she herself was feeling. "I keep telling myself that there's only 24-hours in a day that can be fucked up, but some just seem to keep going."

Taking a deep breath, Beckett straightened her clothes and opened the door to walk out of the protection of the ladies' room. "I'll get out of your way."

She hadn't made it two steps into the corridor before he spoke.

"You don't ever have to see me again after this. I'll go back to my own little world, without so much as a peep. But you have to look at this information. Because in a couple of months you're going to wish you had, only you won't say anything because you'll have already banished me to whatever corner of your life that your past isn't supposed to crawl out of."

She didn't say anything, but her eyes slipped shut, trying to protect herself from his words.

"Come with me to talk to Dr. Murray. Let him tell you exactly what he found, and you can decide from there what you want to do. You're never going to get any peace if you don't."

Beckett turned and looked into Castle's eyes. She wished he didn't look so sincere, that he didn't seem genuinely worried about her.

So she did the only thing she could.

"I'm driving."


	2. Chapter 1

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_"God, Mom, I hate that place," Kate complained into the phone as she stuffed books into her backpack for her next class._

_"Ah, but Katherine, that's the beauty of this situation. It's my turn to pick, so you have to eat there anyway."_

_Laughing and rolling her eyes, Kate conceded the point. "Okay, but make sure Dad will give me a ride; I don't want to have to rush down there after my Lit Class."_

_"Well, it may take some arm twisting, but I'm sure I'll be able to convince him."_

_Kate glanced down at her watch and startled at the time. "Oops, I've got to go. I love you, Mom. I'll see you on Friday."_

_"I love you too, Baby."_

***

Beckett steered her car through the city, ignoring as best she could the other occupant. She had let Castle tell her the address, but after that he seemed to understand that it was best for his life expectancy to remain silent. Beckett thought about all the times she had wished for a way to make him be quiet. If she knew it involved the emotional equivalent of being kicked in the gut repeatedly she may not have wished so hard.

"Why did you do it?"

If her question surprised him, he didn't show it. "You deserve to know what happened to your mother."

"And if I don't want to?" she asked, giving far too much of her fear away for her comfort. What if knowing was worse than not knowing? What if they found her mother's killer only to have him get off on a technicality? Could she take that? Could her dad?

He stared at her with his lost little boy expression, but she had to find a way to harden her heart against it. How else was she going to walk away?

***

_Kate climbed into her Dad's car, reaching over to pull him into a hug. "Hey, Dad. Thanks for picking me up."_

_"Hey, Katie. How's my baby girl?"_

_"Exhausted. There really should be a warning label on college. 'May cause insomnia and dependency on caffeine.'"_

_"It just doesn't look right on the brochures." She smiled sleepily at him, sinking into her seat as he started up the car. "Let's get some food in you. Your mom's meeting us at the restaurant."_

_"Sounds like a plan," Kate agreed, letting her eyes slip shut, just listening to her dad's presence as they drove through the busy streets of New York City._

***

"Thank you for taking the time to see us, Dr. Murray," Beckett said as both she and Castle followed the pathologist to his office.

"Of course. Rick told me this case was very important to you." He gestured towards a couple of chairs before taking a seat behind his desk. "I am terribly sorry for what happened to your mother."

"Thank you." She stopped herself from fidgeting uncomfortably, but quickly redirected the conversation. "Castle said you found something that might be pertinent."

"Yes." He pulled out three files from his top left drawer and handed them to her. "There appears to be a connection between your mother's case and the deaths of these three men. Each were killed with a single thrust to the kidney and then stabbed repeatedly postmortem to cover up the first."

"Have you been able to find any connection between them, besides the way they were killed, since the last time we talked?" Castle asked, trying to get a look at the files Beckett was looking through but she shifted slightly away from him, obstructing his view.

"Well, David Miller was a lawyer for a non-profit. Sam Crawley was a documents clerk. Johanna Beckett was a law professor. And Chris Barry - "

"I know him," Beckett said suddenly, looking up from the picture of the final victim. "I saw him arguing with my mom a week before -- I think he was a former student of hers."

Murray nodded. "So, yes, I do believe there is a connection, but as far as I know, besides Mrs. Beckett and Mr. Barry, none of the victims seem to have known each other, either socially or professionally."

"They were never involved in the same case?" Castle asked, glancing briefly at Beckett before returning to Dr. Murray.

"Not that I could find, but maybe you two will have better luck."

***

_Climbing out of the car a few blocks from her parents' apartment Kate continued to reassure her dad. "I'm sure mom's okay. She probably wanted to make us eat at that place, but couldn't stomach it herself. I'm convinced she can't possibly like it anymore than we do."_

_He didn't look convinced, so she looped her arm through his as they started walking. "Come on. We'll go upstairs and you'll see. She'll be sitting there, grading term papers, and say that she lost track of time."_

_He smiled but there was still a hint of worry that he'd been trying unsuccessfully to hide from her for the last hour. "I'm sure you're right, Katie."_

_As they rounded the corner they both noticed the flashing red and blue lights outside of their building and stopped cold._

_"Dad?"_

_"I don't know, sweetie. Let's just..." he waved vaguely at the apartment building._

_As they approached a slightly bored looking man in a suit and a half-undone tie came up to them._

_"Mr. Beckett?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"My name is Detective Raglan. I'm terribly sorry to have tell you this -- "_

***

"Beckett?" Castle asked, walking up behind her in the corridor outside Dr. Murray's office. "You okay?"

Laughing sardonically, she shook her head. "Don't ask me that right now, Castle."

"What do you want to do?"

She turned around and looked him directly in the eyes for the first time since they had left the hospital. What did she want to do? She wanted to punch him in the face. She wanted to break down sobbing in his arms. She wanted to go back in time just a few scant hours ago to when her life had been somewhat normal.

"We're going to need some help." Pulling out her cell phone, she quickly dialed the number before she could change her mind. "Esposito? I know you and Ryan just got the rest of the weekend off but I need the two of you to meet me at Castle's apartment in an hour."


	3. Chapter 2

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Photographs and papers littered Castle's dining room table around boxes of Chinese food. Ryan popped a pot sticker into his mouth and asked around it, "So, I don't understand. Are we actually investigating this or are we not?"

"Dude, that's gross," Esposito protested. "Swallow your food."

Ryan glared at him, but did so anyway. "I'm just asking... is this officially a case?"

Beckett ignored the squabbling, leaning forward onto the table in front of her, unconsciously taking up an interrogation pose. "Guys, I know I shouldn't be asking for your help on this, but - "

Esposito waved her off. "We just want to know if the Captain knows or not."

"Not yet. If this lead pans out... I'll tell him, but not before that."

"How are you going to do that?" Castle asked, looking between the three cops. "He'll notice if the three of you start investigating a case he doesn't know about."

"He asked if I needed some time after this case... after what happened to Will..." She suddenly realized that she'd left Will at the hospital without even saying goodbye. How was she going to explain that? Taking a deep breath she continued on. "I'll take a couple weeks off to 'clear my head'. You guys gather as much information as you can without being noticed."

"Castle's going with you, right?" Ryan asked curiously.

Beckett spared a glance at Castle. "Don't you think that would look suspicious? If we both disappeared at the same time?"

"No," all three men said at the same time.

"It would look more suspicious if he hung around while you weren't there," Esposito ribbed. "Plus, you need back-up."

She sighed. "Fine, you can go, but don't think this means you're forgiven."

"Where are we going to start?" Castle asked.

"We're going to talk to the victims' families. Starting with my Dad."

***

_"Dad?" Kate knocked hesitantly on her parents' room, where her father had been holed up for the past several days. "You need to start getting ready. We have to be at the church before everyone starts to arrive."_

_Opening the door, she looked inside cautiously. "Dad?" The room was trashed. Objects lay broken on the floor, and the only thing left standing on the bedside table was a half-empty bottle of Jack. Her Dad lay in the center of the bed, clutching her Mom's pillow to him in his sleep._

_Navigating her way through the room, she sat down next to him and gently shook him awake. "Dad, I need you to get up."_

_His eyes blinked open, before immediately snapping shut. "Leave me alone, Katie."_

_"I promise we can come straight back here after the funeral, but you have to get up now."_

_"I can't." His broken whisper broke her heart more than any explanation he could have given._

_"I'll be there the whole time."_

_"I need her."_

_"I know, Daddy." Pushing down her own tears, she got up and went over to his closet and pulled out one of his suits. "I'm going to turn on the shower. I expect you to get up and be in there in the next two minutes."_

***

"Katie?" Her Dad asked in surprise as he pulled her into a hug. If he thought anything of her holding him a little tighter than usual, he didn't say anything. "This is a nice surprise." When he pulled back, he noticed Castle for the first time. "Rick Castle?"

Castle stuck out a hand, which her Dad shook. "It's nice to meet you, sir."

"You too. Katie has told me _a lot_ about you." Beckett widened her eyes in a not-so-subtle hint for her dad to shut up, but he either missed it or ignored her.

"Really?" Castle smiled wickedly at her. "Nothing too bad, I hope."

"Not anything that will stop me from inviting you in. Come inside, you two; you don't want to stand out here all night."

They followed him deeper inside the Westchester house. Very little here reminded Beckett of her childhood since her father had moved here after her mom's death, but it still had a home feel to it that had more to do with her dad than the building he lived in.

She saw Castle look around at the pictures hanging on the walls and sitting on the mantle, and hoped that there wasn't anything too embarrassing out.

"All I have is water and iced tea. Does either sound good?"

"Iced tea sounds great, Dad. Thanks." Castle nodded in agreement.

When he left to get the drinks, Castle turned to her. "So, _Katie_..."

"My Dad is the only person allowed to call me that."

He continued as if she hadn't said anything. "What have you been telling him about me?"

"We talk a lot on the phone. You've been working with me on cases, your name was bound to come up eventually. Mostly we talk about how annoying you are."

"I don't know... He looked awfully happy to meet someone his daughter considers a thorn in her side."

"He's too polite for my own good."

"Here we go," her dad said, carrying in a tray of drinks and holding it out for them to grab a glass each before setting it down on the coffee table. "So, what brings you up here? I don't see a ring, so I'm assuming it's not to make an announcement."

"Dad!" Beckett thought she might actually be blushing, and didn't dare look toward Castle, though she could hear him snickering.

"Okay, okay. A dad can hope though. You work too hard, sweetie."

"I work as hard as the job demands."

"If I called Lanie would she say the same thing?"

"I thought I told you you weren't allowed to talk to Lanie anymore."

He looked at Castle speculatively, and Beckett dreaded the potential turn this conversation was about to take, but instead her dad turned back to her and shook his head. "I just worry about you, Katie."

Feeling slightly abashed, she nodded. "I know, Dad, but I'm doing okay."

He searched her face and must have seen something that comforted him. "Well, you two go get settled in the guest room, and I'll get started on dinner. Then you can tell me why you're really here."

"Dad!"

***

_Kate didn't let go of her Dad's hand from the moment they arrived at the funeral. She shook people's hands as they came in the church with her left, gestured instructions to florists with their joined hands, and carefully guided him around the room with the gentlest of pressure._

_The first time she let go of him was when her Uncle John pulled her aside after the burial. "Kate, how are you holding up?"_

_It wasn't the first time she'd been asked that today, but it was the first time she actually considered her answer._

_"I don't know," she said honestly, glancing bewilderedly around her. "I should get back to Dad. He needs me."_

***

When Beckett walked into the kitchen her dad looked happy and Castle looked terrified. "How's it going in here?" she asked, looking back and forth between the two occupants.

"Hey, sweetie," her dad greeted her like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. "Dinner will be ready in a couple minutes."

Walking over to Castle she leaned in and whispered, "You have the same expression on your face as my prom date did when I came downstairs."

"Your Dad is _really_ good at the father-suitor talk," Castle whispered back. "I would take notes if I wasn't scared for my life."

Stifling a laugh, she walked to the table and poured him another glass of iced tea, which he took gratefully. "I don't know what you're worried about. It's not like you are one." Not waiting for his reply she went to check in with her Dad. "Anything I can help with?"

"You can make sure your boyfriend set the table correctly."

"Alright, Dad, stop. This is the third time I've told you now. Castle and I are not together."

"Well, what do you expect me to think, Katie? Do you even remember the last guy you brought home with you? Because I don't."

"You met Will."

"Yes, I did, but you didn't bring him home."

"That's a pretty fine distinction."

"But an important one."

"We're not here for you to meet Castle."

"Then why are you here?"

"We're here because -- " She stopped short, realizing what she'd almost blurted out. "Dad, sit down for a minute," she said, unconsciously mimicking Castle's words to her. He stopped what he was doing, and, seeing that she was serious, did as she asked. "Dad, we think we have a new lead on Mom's case."

He stared at her unseeingly for a good couple of minutes before he let what she had said actually sink in. His hands began to shake and his breathing became shallow.

"Dad, put your head between your knees," she commanded as she was already pushing on his back to force him forward. "Castle, find me a paper bag in the middle drawer over there." She pointed in the general vicinity of the counter. She began rubbing slow, soothing circles on her dad's back. "It's okay. Just breath in slowly." Castle brought her the bag, which she took and handed to her dad. "Cover your nose and mouth with this. That's it, you're okay."

It took a couple more minutes but he finally began to calm down. Sitting back in his chair, he spoke to Castle, "Will you give me and my daughter a couple minutes alone?"

Castle hesitated, looking at her, silently asking her what she wanted. Beckett nodded that it was alright, so he said, "Sure, I'll be in the next room if either of you need me."

Her dad waited until he was sure that he was gone before turning to her. "You promised you would leave your mother's case alone."

His instant rebuke made her feel like she was a teenager who missed curfew. "I know, but - "

"Do you know how close I came to losing you the last time you wouldn't let this go?"

"I know, Dad, but - "

"But what? It's different this time?"

"It is!"

Running a hand across his face, he sighed. "Of course it is. You have to back away from this. What happened to Johanna was terrible, but neither you or I can change that."

"I can find who did it! I can make sure that he pays for what he did to Mom."

Her dad looked at her sadly and stood. "I can't go through this again. And I won't watch you go through it. If you're hell-bent on investigating this, you can't do it here."

Beckett sank into the chair that her father had just vacated and watched him go. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there when Castle came in to check on her.

Kneeling in front of her, he gently wiped away tears she hadn't realized were falling. "You going to be okay?"

She didn't know the real answer to that, but said, "I'll be okay when we catch this son of a bitch. I'm going to go pack up my stuff. We still have the other families to talk to."


	4. Chapter 3

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Jane Miller, David Miller's widow, hadn't seemed very surprised to see them when Beckett and Castle had knocked on her door. "I knew there had to be more to David's death than what the police told me," she confided as she let them in.

"What made you think that, Mrs. Miller?" Beckett asked, sparing a glance around the room at the organized clutter. There was a picture on one of the bookshelves of David and Jane on their wedding day, holding each other tightly. They looked really happy.

"Just a feeling. There was no reason for him to be in the part of town he was found in, and the only thing missing on him was his briefcase."

Castle tilted his head at the widow. "Did you express that to the Detective at the time?"

"They didn't listen to me. They said I was 'searching for a meaning to a senseless act'."

"I know it's been ten years, but do you think you could look at some pictures and see if there's anyone you recognize?"

Mrs. Miller nodded, and Beckett pulled out three photos, laying them side by side on a nearby table. Mrs. Miller examined each of them closely, but as she watched her Beckett knew her answer before she spoke it. "No, I've never see any of them. I'm sorry."

Before she could say something, Castle jumped in. "How about the names: Chris Barry, Sam Crawley, or Johanna Beckett?"

"No... Beckett?" Mrs. Miller looked at the photo of Beckett's mother. "A relative of yours?"

"My mother."

Mrs. Miller's eyes held an understanding and spoke of a shared pain. Beckett had to force herself not to look away. "I'm so sorry. You think she was killed by the same person who murdered David?"

"There does seem to be a connection." Beckett was saved from further explanation by the ringing of her cell phone. "Excuse me for just a moment." She walked far enough away that she wouldn't be overheard before answering the phone. "Beckett."

"Hey, we just finished running a more detailed background check on the vics," Esposito stated without preamble.

"Did you find something?"

"We did. Guess where Sam Crawley worked a year before he was murdered. Johnson, Karp & Associates."

Beckett's breath caught in her throat. "My mom's old firm."

"Before she went to mold young minds at Columbia," Esposito agreed.

***

_"Katherine," Matthew Johnson caught her arm as she was walking away from her uncle in search of her dad._

_"Mr. Johnson," she greeted, plastering on a fake smile. "Thank you so much for coming."_

_"Call me Matt," he insisted, his hand now resting casually on her shoulder. "I am sorry about your mother; she meant a lot to all of us."_

_She nodded in acknowledgement, and briefly wondered why she wasn't pulling away._

_"If you ever need to talk... about anything, you just give me a call, okay?" He pulled a business card out of his wallet and gave it to him. He smiled warmly at her, squeezed her shoulder, and walked away._

_Kate stared at the card for a moment like it was a foreign object before slipping it into her pocket._

***

Castle had asked her several questions on the drive to her mother's old firm, that Beckett tried to answer as best she could with her mind only partly concentrating on the conversation. Eventually he either ran out of questions or realized that she wasn't paying attention.

When they arrived, they were granted entrance with relative ease. Beckett almost wished that the receptionist had put up more of a fight.

"Katherine," Matthew Johnson said with the same open affection that he'd always shown her, as if not one day had passed since they had last seen each other.

"Hi, Matt." Beckett wondered if she sounded as rigid as she felt. She could see Castle looking at her curiously out of the corner of her eye. "This is Rick Castle," she introduced.

The two men shook hands, sizing each other up. "Rick Castle, the writer?"

Castle nodded, looking nonplussed at the recognition. "The very same."

"Well, then this is a double pleasure. I've read all of the Derrick Storm series," Matt said easily. "How can I help you two?"

"We had some questions about a former employee of yours."

"Ah, Katherine, I knew you just coming to see me was too good to be true. Which employee?"

"Sam Crawley."

Matt's brow furrowed and for the first time she noticed the difference the last 10 years had made on him. "Crawley? The name doesn't sound familiar. How long ago did he work here?"

"It would have been a little over 11 years ago."

Matt laughed. "Katherine, I can barely remember my paralegals' names now. You expect me to remember someone from over a decade ago?"

"Maybe this will help." She handed him the photo of Crawley.

"Hmm... He does look vaguely familiar. I couldn't tell you anything about him, though."

"Could we look at his personnel file?" Castle interjected.

Matt glanced at him and looked like he was going to refuse, but, after stealing another glance at Beckett, nodded. "Let me go see what I can find for you."

Castle barely waited for Matt to leave the room before he turned his quizzical look on Beckett. "You've got him eating out of the palm of your hand."

"He's just cooperating because he's an old friend of the family."

"Old being the operative word. He's around your father's age, isn't he?"

"Something like that." He began to ask another question but she cut him off. "Castle, please drop it."

She knew she'd just given him most of the answers he was looking for in that one sentence but he'd stopped, and for now, that's all she wanted.

***

_"Please, Katherine, I can explain," Matt pleaded through the apartment door that had yet to open to let him in._

_"I asked you to leave me alone, Matt."_

_"I know you did, but I have to make you understand."_

_"I don't want to understand. I want you to leave me alone. If you refuse to do that, I'll call the cops."_

_"Don't... don't do that." He was quiet for a few minutes, so much so that Kate had hoped that he had listened to her and gone home. "Elizabeth and I were separated when you and I got together. That's why I never told you about her."_

_"And you're not separated anymore. That's fine. Go home."_

_"Katherine..." Whatever the end of that sentence was, she never heard it. He sighed sadly and walked out of her life. At that moment, she missed her mom more than ever._

***

"Mrs. Crawley, we just want to ask you some questions about your son's death."

"My son has been buried for 10 years now. What could you possibly want? Now, I've asked you twice already, I won't do it again. Leave me alone." With that, she slammed the door so hard the frame shook.

Castle and Beckett exchanged a look. Beckett turned to leave, but Castle knocked on the door one more time.

"Castle!"

He ignored her. "Mrs. Crawley," he called through the door to the old lady's apartment, "if you could just answer a couple questions for us. We think it could be beneficial to your son's case."

There was a long silence before the deadbolt turned. At first Castle looked smug, but his expression quickly turned to one of disbelief. Mrs. Crawley stood in her doorway, a phone pressed to her ear. "Yes, Captain Montgomery, is it? I would like to file a harassment complaint..."


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed the story so far!

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"What the hell were you thinking?" Captain Montgomery asked, as he slammed the door of his office shut. Beckett stood in the middle of the room, ramrod straight like a soldier.

"The NYPD is not a place for you to resolve personal vendettas! There's a reason that cops aren't allowed to investigate cases involving relatives. You're too personally involved. You should have turned over the new evidence right away and let another cop handle it." He waited for a response, but she didn't have one. Intellectually she knew all of this, but the image of Detective Raglan telling her that her mother's death was a result of gang violence... "As of right now, you're on suspension. Hand in your badge and gun. If either Ryan or Esposito take a phone call from you, they'll be on suspension as well, so don't even try it."

Beckett nodded, removing her gun and placing it on the Captain's desk, and placing her shield beside it.

"Dismissed."

***

_Beckett winced as the doctor closed up the final stitch on her shoulder. He put some gauze over it and gave her care instructions as well as a prescription for pain relievers and antibiotics._

_"There's some people here to see you. You feeling up to visitors?"_

_The truth was that she was feeling exhausted, but nodded her acquiesce anyway. "Sure."_

_"Gentlemen, you can go in now," the Doctor said to the figures outside of her room._

_Her dad rushed in, followed by a solemn looking Captain Montgomery. As soon as he reached her, her father wrapped her in his arms so tightly she had to stop herself from wincing as a jolt of agony shot through her shoulder. "Katie, you scared the crap out of me."_

_"I'm okay," she reassured him, but most of her attention was on the Captain. "Uh, Dad, do you think you could go fill this prescription for me?" He looked like he wanted to protest. "Please."_

_He sighed deeply, "Alright, but I'm staying with you this weekend to make sure that you're really okay."_

_When they were alone, the young cop looked sadly at her boss. "I don't know how it happened, Captain."_

_The older man sighed. "I do. This is what happens when people don't take any breaks. You go from case to case, making sure you're on the most difficult ones, and you practically live at the precinct when you're not out on one. Looking over this," he pulled out a file she immediately recognized._

_"Sir - "_

_"Beckett, you're a good cop. You have amazing potential, but burning yourself out is not the way to make that happen."_

_"I just want to make sure that nothing was missed. I'm not investigating it on the city's time."_

_"I know you're not, which is the only reason you're not on suspension right now. I want you to talk to a counselor, though. I'll make it an order if I have to."_

_Beckett began to object, but saw the serious expression on her boss' face and saw no way out. "Yes, sir."_

***

"What did he say?" Castle asked the moment she left the Captain's office.

"I'm going home," she answered, grabbing her bag and jacket, not meeting his eyes in fear that he'd be able to read what was written within them.

"He fired you?" Castle's cry of outrage was too loud, drawing the attention of the people around them.

"No," Beckett hissed, grabbing his arm and pulling him to the side, away from prying eyes. "I'm not fired; I'm on suspension."

His look changed from outraged to just angry. "That woman doesn't have a harassment suit against anyone."

"It's only partly about the 'harassment'," Beckett let her disdain slip into her voice. Tele-marketers harassed people more than they had Mrs. Crawley.

"What's the other part?"

A look of disbelief crossed her face. "This isn't a book, Castle. When a cop tries to take justice into her own hands, she gets punished for it. Did you think I was going to get a pat on the head, and told that I did the wrong thing for the right reasons? Have a lollipop."

"I never thought you'd get a lollipop. A _Jolly Rancher_ at most."

The tiny smile that brought to her face almost made her forget that she was still mad at him. "I've got to go."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Don't cause any trouble while I'm gone."

***

Beckett sat shivering on the doorstep, pulling her jacket more snugly around her while she waited. Looking up at the sky, she could see a few more stars then usual, but still there weren't enough to cover the black sky.

When a car pulled into the house's driveway, she found she couldn't stand up to greet the driver.

He got out and slowed when he noticed her, but still drew nearer.

"Hi, Dad," she managed to say before breaking down in strangled sobs. She didn't see him move the rest of the way, but she felt his arms slip around her and gently rock her back and forth, making quiet sounds of reassurance that both prayed were true.

***

"She was so excited when she found out about you, Katie. She couldn't even wait until I was done teaching my class before rushing in... interrupting a particularly moving rendition of Hamlet's 'what a piece of work' speech, I might add... and exclaiming that we were going to have a baby. I think that's the only standing ovation I've ever gotten in class."

Beckett smiled, shifting her outstretched body slightly but not picking her head off of her Dad's lap. "Were you happy?" she asked, even though she'd heard this story many times.

"Once I realized I wasn't dreaming, and convinced myself to breathe again, I was ecstatic. We tried so long to have a baby, but you were more than we could have ever hoped for."

She felt tears she thought she had gotten control of rise up again, but she swallowed them back.

"I miss her so much, Dad."

"Me too, Baby."

***

Beckett woke up the next morning with a slight crick in her neck. Wrapping the blanket tighter around her, that her Dad must have laid across her at some point during the night, she sat up. Rolling her head around, she felt a few satisfying pops.

Pictures were scattered across the coffee table. Pictures of her mom and dad, her and her mom, and ones of them all together. She made a mental note to buy her dad a photo album.

Slipping down to the floor, Beckett began looking at the rest of the contents of the box her dad had brought up. She remembered the day she had put all of this away. It had been almost as painful as her mother's funeral.

Other than the photo-box, most of this stuff was from her mom's office at Columbia. The Dean had called her two weeks after the funeral, extremely apologetic, but needing her things moved for a new teacher they'd just hired.

The box held an assortment of business and personal items. A framed copy of her diploma was mixed in with framed photographs. Laying near the bottom was her day planner. Beckett almost set it aside, but stopped when she noticed a few pages sticking out at odd angles.

Flipping it open, Beckett saw that the reason for this was that they'd been ripped out and then placed back in. Every page before and after were meticulously in place. The only days disturbed were that of the week prior to her mother's death.

"Hey, you're awake," her dad said, walking into the living room. "I brought you some coffee. I just got this amazing french press; you're going to love it."

"Dad, did you take any pages out of mom's planner?"

"What? Katie, why would I do that?"

"Just answer the question, Dad."

"No," he said slowly, looking at her like she was crazy, "I haven't taken any pages out of Johanna's day planner. I didn't even realize I still had it."

Jumping up, planner still in hand, Beckett began looking around the room. "Where are my keys?"

"Katie, slow down. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure." She spotted the keys by one of the legs of the couch. Snatching them up, she barely remembered to kiss her Dad on the cheek and say, "I've got to go," before heading for the door.

She was in such a rush that she almost collided with Castle, who was standing on the front stoop, hand poised to ring the door.

"Castle?"

"Hey, are you done slacking? It's time to get back to work."


	6. Chapter 5

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5.

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She was in such a rush that she almost collided with Castle, who was standing on the front stoop, hand poised to ring the door.

"Castle?"

"Hey, are you done slacking? It's time to get back to work."

"What are you talking about?" Beckett asked, slightly disoriented by Castle's sudden appearance.

"Well," he shrugged casually, "I didn't know how long I could stay out of trouble, so I figured you had to come back as soon as possible so I didn't break my promise."

His circular logic was doing very little for her equilibrium. "What are you talking about?"

"You're off suspension." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but he looked very proud of himself.

"Oh God, what did you do?"

"What did I do? If you want to blame someone you should blame Mrs. Miller."

"Castle, please tell me you didn't con that poor woman into helping you."

"We just took a little trip down to the station. She explained to Montgomery that you were the first cop to take her husband's case seriously, and that she didn't want anyone but you working on it." Castle paused, and then as if he just remembered something continued, "Oh, and Bob might have called and asked what was going on with his favorite detective."

"You called the Mayor?" Beckett was pretty sure her voice had reached 'shrill', but she couldn't help it.

"Also, the guys are bringing Mrs. Crawley in for questioning."

A laugh bubbled out of her as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Glad to see me?" Castle asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

Impulsively, she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, but pulling away before he had a real chance to respond. Ignoring his surprised expression, she said, "You have no idea."

***

"Hey, boss," Esposito greeted her when they arrived at the station, which was the equivalent of a tight hug.

"What have you guys got?" she responded. Loosely translated, that was like saying, "Thank you so much for everything you've done."

"Mrs. Crawley is set up in interrogation," Ryan said, as he walked around his desk to join them. "We thought that the wait would make her even more eager for her to talk to you."

"While that was very thoughtful, you two are the one's who are going to be talking to her, not me."

"What?" the three men asked in alarm, but she was already walking away.

***

"What am I doing here?" Mrs. Crawley demanded as soon as Ryan and Esposito walked into the interrogation room. Beckett stood on the other side of the two-way mirror, staring intently at the scene before her. "Don't you people have anything better to do?"

"We just have a couple of questions, Mrs. Crawley; it won't take long." Esposito said as they took their seats across from her.

"Well, I can save all of us a lot of time. I'm not going to answer any questions."

"Why is that?" Ryan asked in a voice that held more interest than he actually felt for the answer.

"I buried my son ten years ago; I don't need anyone to dig him up."

"We just want to know why your son was taken from you."

"It was a mugging gone wrong."

"There's new evidence that suggests that it wasn't."

Mrs. Crawley leaned back, arms crossing around her middle. "What new evidence?"

"Have you ever seen any of these people before?"

Esposito placed three photos in front of her. She barely looked at them before replying, "No. What does this have to do with my son?"

"Could you please look again, Mrs. Crawley?" Ryan asked pleasantly but forcefully. Beckett sent a silent 'thank you' to him. She couldn't see which photo it was, but Mrs. Crawley's eyes lingered on one of them before moving on to the other two.

"No, I've never seen any of them before."

Esposito put the photos back into their folder, but Beckett knew he'd seen the same hesitancy that she had. "They were all murdered in the same way as your boy."

For the first time, something shifted behind her eyes but it was gone, forced behind the tough façade. "So they were all stabbed. This is New York."

"It's actually the manner in which they were stabbed that leads us to believe they were connected."

Pushing away from the table, she stood and walked backward until her back was pressed against the wall. "Look, I already told you, I don't know anything."

"Please sit down, Mrs. Crawley."

She hesitated, but did as she was asked.

"We don't believe you," Esposito stated plainly, leaning forward. "You've been avoiding answering questions since the beginning. How deep in this are you?"

"You don't want to get charged as an accessory to your own son's murder, do you?"

Tears threatened to fall from Mrs. Crawley's tired eyes at Ryan's softly spoken question. "I had nothing to do with that," her words were almost pleading.

"I know, but you know who did, and covering for him will be seen as the same thing."

"I'm not covering for him," Mrs. Crawley spat out the pronoun with such venom, you could almost hear the word sear.

"Then why won't you tell us what you know? Who are you protecting?"

A single tear slipped down her cheek, but she didn't let the others join it. "Because -- " she inhaled a shaky breath before continuing, "my son killed those people."

Beckett barely heard Castle's surprised intake of breath over the one thought that kept playing through her mind, "I've got you now, you son-of-a-bitch."


	7. Chapter 6

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6.

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Beckett jumped out of the car as soon as she threw it into park, her seat belt unsnapping more in fear of getting in her way than the jab her thumb took at the red button. Castle ran after her, in an attempt to keep up.

"Beckett!"

She couldn't slow down now. She had to --

He caught her arm, turning her slightly, and stopping her mad dash.

"What are you doing?" her words came out in a growl, and she was mildly impressed that he didn't back off. In fact he stepped closer if that was possible.

"You don't have to do this."

"Isn't it a little late for that now?"

"Ryan and Esposito will be here in two seconds; wait for them."

"What? All of sudden you don't think you're enough back-up?"

"It's not me I'm worried about."

"Castle... this man - "

"Is responsible for your mother's death. No one would blame you if you walked away and let other people handle this."

"It's a better story if I go in there," she tried to tease, but it fell flat even to her own ears.

"This has nothing to do with a story."

She didn't want to think about what it said about her love-life that that was the sweetest statement she'd heard in awhile.

"Why are we standing out here?" Esposito asked as he walked up to them.

Beckett and Castle exchanged a look before she answered. "We just didn't want you to miss the show."

***

Beckett took a deep breath before knocking sharply on the door and waited, trying to ignore the fact that her stomach felt like it had a jumping bean in it.

"Katherine? You brought more friends," Matt teasingly noted when he pulled the door to his apartment open, but pulled up short when he saw that the serious look on her face didn't slip at all. "What's going on?"

"Matt?" a voice from behind him asked. He turned, and Beckett hated herself for freezing up at the sight of his wife. Matt stepped in front of Elizabeth, blocking her view of the cops on the other side of the door. Beckett quickly squashed the voice of her 19-year-old self that was screaming at Matt for being a coward.

"It's the police, they just have some questions for me. Why don't you finish getting ready. We don't want to be late." As soon as Elizabeth disappeared further into their apartment, he turned back to them. "Katherine, I'm sorry, but couldn't this have waited until tomorrow at the office?"

"I'm afraid not. Matthew Johnson, you are under arrest for the murder of Sam Crawley, and conspiracy to commit murder against Chris Barry, David Miller, and Johanna Beckett."

Esposito moved behind Matt and cuffed him. Ryan took over telling him his rights, but Matt's eyes never left hers. She had never seen them so cold.

***

"I've got to tell you, Katherine, I knew you were angry with me, but this is taking things a little too far."

"What is it you think is happening here, Matt?" Beckett asked, sitting back in her chair, almost daring him to say it.

"I know I hurt you when I went back to Elizabeth -- "

"And that's why you think you've been charged with murder? Because a decade ago you broke up with me?"

"Doesn't really have the ring of truth to it," Castle commented.

Matt spared a glance towards him, but kept most of his attention on Beckett. "You're abusing your position. Now, I'm not going to press charges because, in some ways, I deserve it for what I put you through, but you have to drop this farce. I would never hurt anyone, especially Johanna. The mere suggestion is appalling."

"You really need to come up with a new strategy, Matt. That's the one you told Mrs. Crawley to use, and it obviously didn't work, so why don't you just talk to us?"

"Mrs. Crawley? A couple days ago I couldn't remember him, and now you're saying I've been talking to his family?"

"That would be crazy," Castle agreed, "if you hadn't been lying to us about not remembering Sam Crawley."

"Lying?"

"Telling untruths, spinning falsehoods," Castle supplied helpfully.

"Fiction? That's really more your area, isn't it?"

"In my stories the murders stay on the page."

"Why is he even here?" Matt asked her.

"He's consulting. But what matters is why you're here. Why'd you do it, Matt?"

"I already told you, I didn't do anything, and if you weren't so pissed at me you'd be able to see that."

"Pissed? You know what I'm pissed about? That my mother and three other people are dead. Why, Matt? What did they get in the way of?" The cold look was back in his eyes, so she pushed on. "I'm mad about the fact that my mother died, and you used that fact and the fact that my father was buried in his own grief to get close to me. To get what you wanted."

Matt let his gaze travel down her body, and she barely suppressed the shudder of repulsion that wanted to follow the path of his eyes. "Oh, don't act like you didn't know exactly what you were doing," he whispered suggestively. Castle almost jumped out of his chair, a second away from trying to deck the man in front of her, and would have if not for the hand Beckett placed on his arm, though she didn't look at him. Strangely, his anger kept her calm.

"At least one of us did," she said, matching his tone. "You always were selfish, Matt."

A sneer replaced his confident smile. He turned his attention to a still fuming Castle. "You know why I call her Katherine? Because it makes her feel all grown up, unlike the scared little girl she actually is."

"Did that make you feel like less of an old man?" Castle spat back.

Beckett needed to pull Matt's attention back to her before this turned into more of a pissing match than it already was. "I found my Mom's day planner, Matt."

His expression was carefully blank. "Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"Considering that your fingerprints are on it, I would think it would."

"I helped you clean out Johanna's office."

"Which would explain your fingerprints on the outside, but not on the inside, on the pages that were tampered with."

"Fine, you want to know the truth?"

"Yes. Are you going to actually tell me the truth?"

He glared at her. "I tore that page out because I didn't want you to get hurt anymore than you already had. Johanna and I would meet up occasionally and..."

She felt like she'd just been on the receiving end of a kick to the teeth, but wasted no time denying it. "My mother never cheated on my father."

"Why do you think she left the firm? She couldn't handle what we were doing to your dad, but a couple years later we met up at a party... It was only every once in awhile." He gave her an appraising look. "You two were a lot alike. Beautiful, passionate -- "

"Thorough," Beckett said as she plopped down a second planner onto the desk. "And you, Matt, are a liar."

"What is that?"

"My planner for the school year 1999-2000."

"And what's that supposed to prove?"

Beckett flipped it open to the same date that had been ripped out of her mother's. "The day that you claim you were with my mother, we had a girls day planned. When I met up with her she was meeting with a man, but they were arguing... And that man wasn't you. It was Chris Barry."

Matt stared down at the two planners in front of him. He said nothing.

"Barry came to my mom, because he found something that looked suspicious, didn't he, Matt?"

Sighing, Matt ran a hand through his hair. "She should have just left everything alone.

"Johanna came to talk to me the day after she met with Barry. She said a former student of hers had come to her because he found inconsistencies in a bunch of old cases involving our firm. A lawyer, David Miller, had approached him with the suspicion. She wanted to know if there was any truth to it. I told her there wasn't. She didn't believe me. So, I told her I'd look into it."

He looked down at his hands, looking remorseful, though Beckett had a hard time believing he actually was.

"As soon as she left, I called Crawley." He met Beckett's stare. "I would have lost everything if it had come out."

She almost asked him if he was really trying to make her understand why her mother and those men had to die. Instead she asked, "What did you tell Crawley to do?"

"Make the problem go away. His mother had cancer a few years before, and they were still in debt from the treatment. That's how we got him to steal the documents in the first place. He was in as much trouble as I was, so he agreed."

"Why'd you kill him?"

"He started feeling like he had to turn himself in. I convinced him to meet with me before he did. He put up surprisingly little struggle when I stabbed him."

Taking a shaky breath, Beckett stood and walked out of the room. Esposito could walk him to booking.

***

Five minutes later Beckett let her head rest against the side wall of the stall, sure that there was no longer anything in her stomach. She wanted to wash her mouth out, but her legs were still unsteady and she didn't think they'd carry her to the sink.

She had always thought that when her mom's killer was caught that she'd feel... not happy, but... relieved? But all she could feel was his hands on her, whispering that he loved her, when he'd ordered her mom killed less than a month earlier.

***

She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she walked towards her desk, and could hear the low murmur of their whispers. Sitting down in her chair, she tried to remember what she had been so intent on doing.

Suddenly an arm appeared, reaching around her to place a Sprite in front of her.

"How are you holding up?" Castle asked, taking up his regular seat next to her.

Smiling slightly, she said, "I've been better." Not knowing what else to say, she popped open the can, taking a sip and letting it calm down her still jumping stomach.

"So, you got the guy," Castle said casually.

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't have thought you'd still be here."

She shrugged. "There's paperwork to do."

"I would have thought you'd be halfway to your dad's by now."

"Yeah..." Was that what she'd forgotten? They noticed at the same time that her hands had begun to shake. She placed them in her lap, hopefully out of sight to everyone else in the precinct. When did it get so cold?

Castle was looking at her like he wasn't sure whether to take her to a hospital or a bar. "Come on. I'm getting you out of here."

Under normal circumstances Beckett would have kicked his ass for presuming to tell her what to do, but...

"Yeah, okay."

***

Castle wrapped his jacket around her and turned on the car heater, before buckling her up and turning on the car.

They drove in silence. He was concentrating on the road and she was concentrating on him, when her brain would allow for concentration anyway.

"Castle?" she asked, breaking the quiet. "Promise me something."

"Do I get to hear what it is first?"

"No."

"Okay. I promise. What did I just agree to? Because if it's something kinky I would like to remind you that my safe-word is 'apples'."

She let him have that one. She knew he'd been holding back a lot of them lately. "That you'll never use this moment in a book."

His expression grew serious, and he briefly glanced at her before turning his attention back to the road. "You didn't need to make me promise that. I wouldn't have anyway."

***

Beckett had managed to calm down by the time they reached her dad's. When she forced herself to tell him what had happened, she had thought he would have a similar reaction to her own but he surprised her.

He pulled her into him arms, and rested his head on top of hers. "Thank you, Katie."

She didn't feel like she deserved his gratitude, but nodded and held him tighter, hiding in her father's embrace for just a little while.

***

Her father turned in not much later, and Beckett went in search of Castle. She found him sitting in the living room, his cell pressed to his ear.

"No, sweetie, go to sleep. I have no idea when I'll be back. Tell Gram that she needs to help you clean up the dishes. I don't care how tired she is from her life coaching sessions. I love you, too. Night."

"How's Alexis?" Beckett asked when he hung up.

"She's fine. Concerned, but fine."

She suddenly felt guilty for keeping him away from his family for so long. "You can go home, you know. We'll be fine."

He gave her a funny look. "It's not me she's concerned about."

She tried to come up with a response, but came up short. "You always surprise me, Castle."

"How's that?"

"I really thought I'd be able to kick you out of my life the second this case was over."

Hope filled his face, and a wide grin took form. "But you just couldn't resist my boyish charm, could you?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't push my luck just yet if I were you."

"Right." But his smile didn't fade. If anything, it spread further. "So I can stick around?"

"That does seem to be the way my luck runs."

She leaned forward and brushed a kiss against his cheek. She lingered there a little longer than necessary, but neither moved to make it something more. They knew it wasn't the right time; her emotions were too raw to add something new.

"Go home, Castle. I really am okay."


	8. Epilogue

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Epilogue

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Beckett walked slowly across the well-manicured lawn of the cemetery. She didn't need to read the headstones around her; she knew exactly which one she was heading towards. Kneeling in front of it, she set the flowers she'd been carrying carefully against it.

"I bet you're not shocked to see me here, Mom." She paused as if her mom could answer her. Why did she always pause? "You probably also know about Johnson. I'm so sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I know I should have -- Well, anyway, he's going to be standing trial soon."

Shifting so that she was now sitting cross-legged, Beckett let her eyes slip shut. She knew that she didn't really need to say anything, her mom would know.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there before she felt him approach.

"You stalking me now, Castle?"

"I just happened to be in the neighborhood," he said, taking a seat next to her and placing another bouquet of flowers next to hers. "Okay, I talked to your dad. You going to introduce me?"

Rolling her eyes, Beckett said, "Richard Castle, this is my mom. Mom, this is Richard Castle. He's a gigantic pain in the ass."

"Oh, come on, let her figure that on her own."

"I just thought we'd save the five minutes it normally takes for people to figure it out."

Turning to the headstone he said, "I'm sure you raised her better than this, ma'am, don't blame yourself." Turning back to Beckett, Castle smiled as if he'd won. "She wants you to stop picking on me."

She raised an eyebrow at him, unconsciously mimicking one of his expressions. "That so?"

He nodded. "To make it up to me, she thinks you should agree to go to dinner with me."

Nibbling on her bottom lip, she considered him. "Well, never let it be said that I don't listen to my mother. What did she say about debriefings?"

Standing up before reaching out to help her up, he said, "I think we should negotiate debriefings without your mother's help."

"You just don't think she'd be on your side."

"Then I definitely don't think we need your mother's help."

She laughed, truly feeling like she had the right to for the first time in ten years.

**The End**

**A/N:** Wow, you made it through all of this? Thank you so much! I hope you liked it :)


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